Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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