You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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