4 words: hood of his car
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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