I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
