i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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