Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
sex in a hospital.. check
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
