Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
