it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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