I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
