An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
