my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
