I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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