I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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