my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
accomplished twins. life is a go
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
