I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
