I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
