I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think my moral compass just broke
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