it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
