I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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