do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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