Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
