morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
