does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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