Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
