You really coming over, don't trick.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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