oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
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