I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
