My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
