How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize