you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
