is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
