whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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