hotel room ftw
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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