I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
