My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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