Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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