There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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