I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
