I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
