Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize