Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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