I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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