Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can text with my tongue
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
