I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize