In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
