me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
