3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
