dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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