Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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