sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
