Soap is not a condiment
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
