I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
