no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
