You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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