You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
