I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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