i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
