Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
