I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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