What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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