It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
