Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
