Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
