I didn't shave. On purpose
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
