Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
