sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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