bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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